The key thing to remember about parenting is nurturing the relationship between you and your child. If the bond is strong then your child we naturally want to follow you around and be in step with you.
We want to reassure you that as this information has not been readily available to the majority of parents until very recently he approach we are offering may look very different from the way you have been parented. There can be rich learning in this for adults as well as children and an element of learning alongside your child is completely fine and normal.
We will look at strategies for maintaining this bond, ensuring that you have high quality time with them on a regular basis. The job of parenting then becomes much easier as most so called challenging behavior can be reframed as an opportunity to teach and bond with your child. Children learn a lot by observing our behavior, it is wonderful to watch your child develop the skill of empathic listening.
Ongoing attunement with your child means that you can be with them in difficult moments, helping them to express what they are feeling and what they need. Overtime they will learn to clearly articulate their feelings and needs, this awareness not only makes them good communicators but helps them to self regulate. Sometimes simply naming the emotion is enough to help your child change state especially if they have slipped into the less rational part of the brain (as we all do from time to time).*
We are not suggesting a laissez faire approach to parenting, it is important to have clear boundaries with your child and in the process model boundary setting for them. By taking care of our boundaries we protect our ability to be compassionate with our children.
There is strong evidence that methods of disciplining such as “time out” work because they play on the child’s fear of abandonment thus weakening the parent child bond. We will look at alternatives to this such as “connect and redirect”.
*The more securely attached a child is the easier it will be for them to self regulate.